3.14 Made a Mistake

 

It took them at least ten minutes of silent play before Madeline had worked up the courage to start a conversation. Ryan talked about Rafe, and shallow everyday things, but not about what she really wanted to know "so how are you really doing, Ryan?" Ryan looked up, trying to look her straight into the eyes while tears started to well up in his eyes.

"I'm not, I'm lost, I miss her so much! All I live for right now is Rafe, as long as I can make him happy, it's okay, but other then that, I don't have anything to live for." 

Madeline is shocked to hear this, she knows it's hard to loose a partner, she's seen it with so many people, but they tend to get their live back together and go on. It doesn't sound like Ryan has done so. 

When she tries to find the words to let Ryan know how sorry she feels, he starts to show anger. "And you! I thought you were supposed to be there to help us! You left us Maddie, you left us straight after the funeral!"

As the guilt starts to wash over her, Ryan continues, "so not only I had to say goodbye to my father and the women who was my soulmate, there was also you. I thought you were my friend Maddie! I thought you'd be there for me, for Rafe, to help us get through this. Instead, you leave a silly note on the kitchen table with a phonenumber." Madeline works up the courage again to look up, "but I..." seeing the fury in Ryan's eyes she cowers again.

"What did you think would happen, that Rafe would just accept that not only his mother and grandfather were gone, but also the person that nearly lived with us for months? I have tried to be strong for him, but damn it women! You made it very hard for me!" 

Ryan's voice broke down in a sob, "I miss them so much" and then Ryan's anger dissolved into tears as Madeline clutched her hands onto the foosball table, wishing for the ground to open up and swallow her whole. She hadn't been thinking when she left, it felt like the story of her life, she never thought stuff through. She was afraid they wouldn't need her anymore, that she would get hurt when she'd notice she wasn't needed anymore, afraid she'd be unwanted when Satya was gone. So she decided to leave before they got the chance to hurt her. She never thought she could hurt them by leaving. 

When the ground really didn't open up, there was nothing left for Madeline to do but to break into tears as well "I'm so sorry, I didn't think...I miss them so much, I've missed you so much!" 

Seeing the pain and guilt on Madeline's face makes Ryan realize it hasn't been easy on her either. He always thought she had gone beyond professional while taking care of his wife. Her leaving like that had left him to think he had been wrong, that she never looked at them as friends, but just as duty. The look on her face, her inability to respond proves him wrong. 

Regretting the harsh words he said, he walked to the other side of the foosballtable and took her into his arms. "It's okay Maddie, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have had a go at you like that...I'm so sorry."

When they are both calmed down, Ryan pulls back a bit. The tension in the air had dissolved during his rant and the crying afterwards. But now it was back, and even thicker. He looked at her, trying to catch her eye, not sure what he was looking for, or why.

But when their eyes locked together, it felt as though time stood still. Not sure who made the first move, their lips moved closer together until they found themselves trying to fill a hunger that had been lingering on the surface ever since Madeline walked out of that elevator.

When Madeline pulled back to say something, Ryan realized he didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to think this through, "ssh, don't speak." 

He pulled her even closer, kissing her again while his hands start to move all over her body. Feeling those soft curves of her body has him confessing how much he has missed this. Holding a women, kissing a women, but most of all, holding and kissing Satya. Pushing her to the back of his mind though, he lets go of Madeline. But only to take her hand and pull her towards the exit. 

While waiting for the elevator doors to close, he can see the questions in her eyes, the insecurity, but he doesn't want to talk, he doesn't want to remember. All he knows, is that he needs this, needs her, to forget. If only for this moment.

So as the doors close again, he takes her in his arms, and kisses her again, to prevent her from talking. While doing so he suddenly pushes the break button on the elevator and starts to unbutton Madeline's shirt. "Wait, what are you doing Ryan?" she protests, "just making sure nobody can disturb us...." he mutters while putting his hands on her breasts, "I don't think I can wait until we're near a bed...can you?" he asks while unbuttoning her jeans, he looks at her with a penetrating gaze. When she shakes her head, he hastily continues to undress her. And while lifting her up against the walls of the elevator, they seem unreachable for the hands of time. 

Afterwards Ryan told Madeline to go ahead and order a drink at the bar while he went to the toilet to fresh up a bit.

But before he could go to the toilet, reality came knocking on Ryan's door. Thoughts of Satya, memories of making love to her, razed through his mind at an alarming rate, making Ryan feel guilty of what he had just done.

While Madeline was waiting for the bartender to poor her another drink, she heard the elevator doors ping. It was a that moment that she knew she had made a mistake.

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I feel bad for both of them......Maddie must feel like Ryan is like thin air she's trying to hold on to:

nuff said :D