3.19 I Love you

When Ryan reached that stage where you are still sleeping, but also aware that you're going to wake up, he noticed the presence of a soft and warm women in his arms. While pulling her closer, he woke up with the sad feeling that you get when you have to wake up from a dream that was so perfect that you don't want to let it go. A bit disoriented, he just lay very still trying to remember where he was, what he did the night before and why he was holding a very familiar women in his arms. Letting reality slip through the cracks of his dreams, he buried his nose in her hair. Enjoying the smell of her shampoo that he grew to like so much, he did not know what she was doing in his bed. He was sure he went to bed alone, but he did know he rather liked waking up next to her, even though he knew he had to let her go before she would wake up. He tried so hard in the last three years to keep looking at her as a friend, it was a relieve to be able to enjoy the feel of her body without her knowing it.

After taking one more deep breath, he sat on the edge of his bed for a while, thinking about his life and the direction it had taken. Living together with the mother of his second son, longing for her and her love, but not being able to tell her that, to afraid he might loose her. He had been avoiding her when she first came to live with them. He did not want to slip up, make her feel uncomfortable. But he wasn't sure what was going on between them either. He still wasn't sure, all he knew was that when she walked into the room, it was if the sun started to shine. Whenever their eyes locked, he felt shivers going down his spine, whenever they would touch, his skin started to tingle. It made him feel very insecure. They way he would react when she was around, it felt so raw, so basic, it was hard to ignore it.

Once out of bed, his eye caught the chair still standing next to the bed. From there he turned around and looked at the many photo's and memorabilia that represented Satya. He loved Satya, she was his soulmate, but ever since Luke had been born, the amount of times he thought about her had become less and less. He couldn't forget her, never, every time he looked at his son, he would be remembered of the sweet, tender love they shared. But the times when he would sit down in that chair to look at the photo's, to remember all those things they did together and to think about all the thinks they never got to do ceased to exist. The love for Satya came and went with a bang. The first time he saw her he had known she was made for him, as if it was planned on a higher plane of existence.

His gaze lowered from the photo's on the wall to the women that was still fast asleep in his bed. What he felt when he looked at her, when he touched her or when he even thought about her was so different. He couldn't even begin to compare those emotions, yet he knew it was love he was feeling for her. This love was different, it had grown over time, after years of close friendship and sharing their live together.
Looking back up at the photo's again, he slowly turned around to grab the chair that was standing next to him, he knew it had to be done, and he was ready to do it. He was finally ready to accept the fact that he loved her.

As quietly as he could, he moved the chair to the side of the room, placing it against the wall. After that he walked up the stairs. Upstairs  after he checked on Rafe, making sure he was at home sleeping in his own bed, he called his boss to ask if he could get the day off. Because he hadn't even been on vacation ever since Satya died, his boss didn't hesitate to approve this request. With that settled he went downstairs again, armed with a couple of empty boxes.

It took him half an hour and three boxes to take all the photo's down, working as quietly as possible, taking care not to wake Madeline up. While he was at it he also took down her diploma's and certificates, as well as his own. The picture taken at prom was stuffed in the last bit of empty space left, it did not feel right to leave it standing there. Then he got the camera and found some pictures of Rafe, Madeline and Luke and himself. After hanging them on the wall he came across a small photo of Satya working on her last book. Walking towards the desk, he took that photo and placed it there. It did not feel right to erase her from his life completely. Staring at that picture for a minute, he heard movement coming from the bed, so he looked up to see Madeline had woken up. As she looked through the room to find him, he started to feel warm inside "I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" Looking to where his voice came from, she was surprised to see him standing behind Satya's desk. A smile broke through on her face when she looked around the room a bit more and noticed what he had done, "you've been busy haven't you?"
Ryan started to walk towards the bed while keeping his eyes locked onto hers, "yes, and I have been thinking a lot as well..." The tension that was building up between them send a shiver down her spine. Unsure of what was happening she pinched herself to check if she was still dreaming, "wha...what have you been thinking?" she stammered as he got closer and closer to the bed.

Ryan noticed the anxiety Madeline was feeling, and his smile grew even bigger. He pulled the blankets she was trying to hold on to away from her. And while he got on the bed, he gently pushed her back, bringing his face close to hers, he brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear, "I've been thinking that it's time to stop acting like idiots." As his lips locked onto hers, he felt a sigh coming from her lips, her soft hands slowly moving towards his back and shoulder. Growing short of breath he broke of the kiss and pulled her close, inhaling the sent of her hair again, he could not imagine having to go on another day without this, "I love you Maddie," he breathed against the soft skin of her neck, "please tell me you love me to, I don't know what I'd do if you don't love me..."
Strengthening her grip on him, she could barely believe what she just heard, "you love me? But what about Satya?" Ryan rolled his eyes at her, "Do we have to discuss this now?" Giving her a quick kiss on the lips to soften his harsh words, he pressed his pelvis against her, "I kind of had different plans for us right now, and doesn't the room say enough. Did you actually notice who is hanging above our bed right now?"
Madeline looks up in reflex, though she can't see the photo's from this position, "it's Rafe, Luke and me." She sure did notice the change in photo's. Ryan still looked at her though as if he was waiting for something, thinking back she finally realized what he was waiting for.

Pulling him closer again she whispered against his lips "I love you too." As though it had been a starting signal Ryan suddenly started to undress her, "I've never seen you naked before, do you know that? I've been dreaming about seeing you naked." Madeline pushed away his hands, "stop it, you'll tear it." Taking of her nightgown herself she couldn't help but giggle, she felt like a clumsy teenager again, "we were so stupid," she sighed as Ryan pushed her back down again, "shut up Maddie, I love you." And those were the last words spoken for quite some time.

Upstairs Rafe had woken up from the giggles Luke made while playing with his teddy bear. Taking the boy out of the crib, the first thing he could think of was that Sidney had been wrong, toddlers don't wake up a lot during the night, well, at least not this night.

The mere thought Sidney felt as though he had been punched in the stomach. Still feeling betrayed by her, he took his baby brother, who was wondering why it was his brother who was sleeping in his mothers bed. Heading for the kitchen for some breakfast, Ryan was still unaware of the fact that all his efforts payed of much sooner then he expected.

----------------------------------------Notes-------------------------------------------

So yay! The beginning towards a better future has been made :D It will probably involve a lot of talking still between them, but ah well :D I wanted to get things going :)

At first I wanted to create another scene in which Ryan lost control again, waking up with her in her arms etc, and then they'd sleep together again. That would make him then realize that he loved her, but when I started writing it felt bad for him to make love to her with all those photos of satya on the wall and that chair still there. I thought Maddie deserved better then that.