3.10 When Will It End

Madeline has been around all day to get to know the family. It did not take Ryan long to discover that Madeline was a bit of a coward, and he decided this was the right time to pull a prank. While she and Satya started to eat, he waited a bit longer.

After that first bite Madeline is not sure how to respond, perhaps this kind of food is normal around here? She sure doesn't want to insult anyone, so she tries to pretend nothing is wrong. Ryan noticed her face though, and think it's worth a million bucks.

But when Satya gets up as well, Madeline realizes it is not normal. "Damn, thats hot! What did you do with those pancakes?" Ryan quickly gets up to throw away his plate without having had a bite of it, chuckling as he does so. The two women vow to take revenge.

Ryan decides he's best of staying near Rafe, he's sure the women won't hurt him while being around the toddler. "Prank, can you say prank Rafe?" "Pwang" "Yeah, that's good enough for me kid."

It did not take Satya and Madeline long before they were best friends. If you have someone around you all day, it shouldn't come as a surprise, but for Satya it did. The one thing she'd keep to herself was her writing,  Satya would spend the nights she can't sleep writing on her books. She finished a few of them, one of them being the bestseller "For My Boy", and is currently working on a novel named "Remember Me". Most of those books are meant for Rafe, in the hopes he will have something to hold on to when he needs his mother. She knows she can't be there for him, not now, when she is still alive, let alone when she is gone and he might even need her more then ever. Even now it is hard to take care of him, she can barely take care of herself anymore.

It was only the day before that Maddie came over to tell her that, even though their own, altered bathroom was finished, it was irresponsible to shower on her own. Though Maddie was very right, she could barely stand up for longer then a few minutes, she still resented her for saying it. She longed back for the days everything was okay, that she'd be able to shower on her own, or that she would even be able to look at her child and not wonder if he'd still remember her when he would be a teenager.

It soon became a part of their routine to end the day in the hot-tub. It would relax Satya's muscles and help her sleep a bit better. It was also the time of day for Madeline to question Satya about her day. At first all those questions bothered Satya, she'd get really tense, not wanting to think back of all those things she wasn't able to do that day. Almost everyday there was something new that wasn't possible. So at first she'd hold it off, saying she had discussed it with Ryan already.

But it didn't take her long to realize that Madeline wasn't just teasing her. Talking about her day helped her empty her head, it helped her sleep, and it even helped her write better. And it turned out that there were lots of things she wanted to talk about she couldn't discuss with Ryan.

When Madeline asked her how her writing was going, her smile froze. She had been experiencing some trouble writing her stories lately. Though she had hoped nobody would notice. She had discussed it with Ryan, and he said she should tell Madeline, but she hadn't found the courage to even confess to herself that it was almost impossible to see her own writing. The blurred vision had been stabilized for quite some time, but lately it had grown worse again. This resulted in the letters dancing in front of her after only a few minutes of writing. She'd comforted herself with that fact that at least she was still able to see her son.

It took her some time to consider what she would tell Madeline, but judging by the look on her face, she already knew what went on. It was at these times she hated her best friend, even though she meant to do what was best for Satya. So she told her the truth. Madeline was not crazy though, and already figured something was going on. Her friend had been more on edge lately, and knowing that she would always have been able to write away her tension, she guessed there must have been something preventing her to write. So she already had a solution for Satya, "I know you will have to get used to the idea first, but think about this, how about you tell me what is going on in that mind of yours, and I write it down." Satya looked at her, not sure why Maddie was so relaxed, it would just not be possible to recite a book that is still in the process of making, "are you aware of all the corrections I make while writing? It's not just putting my pen down and the words get on the paper, if you look at my scribbling pad, you'd realize that most of it has been crossed out and rewritten several times." Madeline sat back and relaxed while Satya was going through all the reason of why she should not go through with this. It is not that Madeline didn't understand, she did understand, but if Satya wanted to continue writing, it was her only option, and it would probably not take her long to realize that.

"I hate you, you know that?" Satya said as she leaned backwards as well. "Yes I know, and that is why I am so good at what I do, if you wouldn't hate me at times, I would not be doing my job right. It is never easy to let go of your life." Madeline told her.
Raising her arms behind her head as well, Satya sighed, "well at least I'll be able to finish the book I'm writing for Rafe."



Months went by in which Satya slowly shifted her priorities from writing her books for Rafe to remember her by, to holding the books while Rafe would point out the pictures. She enjoyed those little moments with her son.

He was a happy little boy, and it always cheered her up to look at him play in his room. She could sit on the floor for hours, just watching him and being with him, until Madeline would show up and tell her that she needed to go to bed before she would fall asleep on the floor.

She'd also make sure she and Ryan had some quality time. She knew Ryan was having a hard time with all this, and his job, and his son. And though Madeline was here to take care of her, and his parents helped out with Rafe, it was a tough job to cope with while knowing your soulmate was not going to be around much longer. She knew he was letting her win, every time they'd pick up the pillows for old times sake, but it didn't matter, he just loved her.

When she would be to tired to get up, he would often join her in bed, and they'd spend all his free time talking. Talking about the easy things in life, or discussing the important things. What would she want for her funeral, the pleas for Ryan to please continue living and to make sure that Rafe knows how much she loves him. A lot of time is spent remembering the past, thinking back at the good times they shared, making sure that Ryan knows how much she loves him and how hard it is for her to know that she is leaving him behind.

Remembering the past is something she does a lot. Looking at the pictures in their bedroom, she thinks back at that time. Their wedding, both of them vowing their undying love for each other. It turns out it wasn't their love that was dying, the thought of them not growing old together makes her heart hurt. And that pain is worse then anything this disease can throw at her, it hurts like hell.

When it is time for Rafe to age up to be a child, she can feel nothing but relieve that at least she gets to be here for this birthday, though the odds it is the last are very big. Danya is worried that Satya might be overexerting herself, but understands her need to hold Rafe while he blows out his candles.

Rafe is happy to be with his mum, though he does feel the tension surrounding his birthday party and the smile that is to mask his mothers pain.

Rafe grows up to be a sweet, but unlucky boy. As a child he understands very well what it entails that his mum is sick, and suddenly that piece of cake in his hand, tastes more bitter then it should have.

When she reads him to sleep that evening, he is fully aware that his mother is making this story up right then and there because she is not able to read a single word on that page anymore. His fathers worrying presence in the background forces him into the reality that this will probably be the last time she will be able to do this, so he decides to cherish this moment and pretends he doesn't notices that she's making this up.